Enchanted with Pearls

Yesterday's bible study resonates with me still.  We talked about marriage and how to keep the "I DO" vows glossy and treasured.  What do you do when things are not going smoothly?  We are selfish creatures and we don't see everything from the same vantage.  So how are we to respond when we disagree with our spouse yet at the same time submit as God calls us to? 


Ephesians 5:22 "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord."


 A quick fix of, "FINE, WHATEVER!" (whether audible or in your heart) is not getting to the heart of drawing you closer to each other or allowing Christ to do what he does best; to reach our hearts and relationships.  God has given me my husband as a gift.  He has put him in authority over our home.  If I am unhappy with my husband, than ultimately I'm unhappy with God.  Ouch, that stings!  You may have,at some point in your marriage, said, "God you ordained this conflict, this bump in the road?  This is for my greater good???  Why?"
We don't like to be rubbed the wrong way, we don't want some issue to get under our skin and fester, and we don't to be troubled, inconvenienced, or toyed with.  But these troubles will rise up in your marriage as sure as the sunrises and sets!  


This circumstance reminds me of an oyster.  The biological process of an oyster is to protect itself from foreign substances.  Dirt, grit, and particles slip into the oyster and irritate the mantle, like a splinter.  The oysters' natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself.  The mantle covers the irritant with oyster goo and eventually, over time, a pearl forms.  Something beautiful and valuable from something irritating...only God can do something like that!  


Matthew 13:45 "The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls."

Every situation we find ourselves in files under the major category of a spiritual issue.  How I respond to my hubby by his sudden interest in how to make school lunches (this is completely hypothetical of course) can be easily met with a roll of the eyes or an opportunity to see his wanting to participate in my world.  Yes, this is a spiritual issue.  We all go about communicating differently.  Have you ever heard 'women hear with pink ears and guys hear with blue ears, women are like spaghetti, men are like waffles, the Mars/Venus differences'?... you gettin' the picture.  Frankly, I am always willing to give some friendly advice or opinion to him, even when it is not necessary or needed.  Ew, the brutal truth there!  My intention of what I say, the inflection of how I say it; or how I receive it is a heart issue.  Is this a good time to hold my tongue or is my  two-cents necessary?   


A strong, healthy marriage takes time, energy and work.  Listening to his heart and listening to the Holy Spirit make for a pearly concoction.  If some part of my marriage is not thriving, I need to seek the face of God.  I need to be in prayer about how I want to handle myself and how to respectfully approach my husband, I must take a posture of love.  Love gives and gives, and than gives some more.  On our wedding day, we stand on the alter as an oyster.  Our journey together is sifting through the daily grit and irritants because God is cultivating my marriage.  Cultivating takes time, love and patience.  Ask yourself: "What quick, easy thing of lasting beauty can I think of?"  None, I would say! 
Here are some of the ingredients for a pearly concoction:  have your quiet time everyday.  Pray for your husband.  Is there an area that you can put him first and yourself and the kids second?  Think about how you can encourage him.  What is one area in your relationship you can work on that will show him more respect? 


In time, the persistent working away of the grit will dissolve into the strength and beauty of a pearl.


Coram Deo,
E.W.